I’m not sure I’ve ever truly been disenchanted before, but I was disenchanted this week, and boy, is it a bummer. I feel so let down by a hero of mine. There is still a lot to admire about him, but I can’t help but feel a little sad. I wish I could take Neil deGrasse Tyson aside and say, “Hey, watcha got against homeschoolers, Dude? We’re your fans!” So here is my best effort to do just that:
An open Letter to Neil deGrasse Tyson,
On Tuesday night, I drove for over an hour, stayed out until 1:00 am and paid my baby-sitter $100 (partly a bonus because we were much later getting home than I had promised). Why? Just to take my oldest son to hear you speak live-and-in-person at the University of Texas at Arlington. It was worth it, except that you weren’t very nice to the homeschoolers in the crowd. You took questions, including one from a homeschooled boy, and for some reason, rather than just answer the boy’s question, you felt compelled to follow it up with a lecture on making sure the child has enough social activities. You went so far as to warn him against the danger of becoming “socially retarded.” Huh? What does that have to do with astrophysics Dr. Tyson? And what the heck do you know about the social lives of homeschooled kids anyway? Here you are, a public figure, in a position to be very influential and persuasive, and you’re up on stage perpetuating the myth that homeschooled kids are chained to the kitchen table and grow up to be social misfits! Have you checked the science on that Dr. Tyson? I think you should before you say another word about it. We homeschoolers think you’ve got something worth saying about astrophysics, and we brought our kids to hear you say it. We are not the enemy. Homeschoolers deserve, at the very least, common courtesy, and frankly, probably your admiration. We are working fiercely to get our kids excited about science, it’s working, and that’s exactly what you want! We are on your side, Doc! We like you! It was cool how you got the mood lighting just right so we could mean it when we said “sextillion.” It was cool how we all got say “Billion” together in unspoken homage to Carl Sagan. (My young son didn’t get it, but that just made me laugh.) It was cool how, when my son yelped out loud in amazement at the sheer magnitude of one of those ultra big numbers you said, “Either someone just got sat on, or they had a visceral reaction to a number that size!” We loved your presentation. It was first class. We had fun. Well, most of the time.
When our turn came to get our DVD autographed, I took the opportunity to attempt to recommend that you learn more about the social lives of homeschooled children before you speak publicly on the topic. You interrupted defensively, saying, “Hey I wasn’t making an accusation, I just said, ‘make sure your mom takes you to parties.’” I disagree. It was an implied accusation. Because the child with the question about black holes was homeschooled, you assumed that there must be a relative void in his social education. You made a judgment about an entire class of people based on a media perpetuated stereotype. That’s so unlike you! In your own presentation, you criticized the Bayer ad for their portrayal of a girl and a black boy as the “problem kids.” Fact based understanding was a central theme to the thoughts you shared with us on Tuesday night. Do you have the facts about the social side of homeschooling?
As if your comments weren’t already enough of a turn-off. You made it worse when you were rude to the daughter of a friend of mine. She approached the table presenting a book to be autographed, you asked her why she was up so late, she replied that she is homeschooled. You hurt her feelings, and offended her mom, by saying “another homeschooler?!” with disgust. Her mom told me she stood there and watched her daughter visibly deflate. Ouch! I don’t get it, Dr. Tyson, Here’s my little friend. She’s got a book in her hand that she purchased. She wants your autograph on it. She admires you. She thinks you’re uber-cool. She’s also your bread and butter. What possible reason do you have for being rude to her? Even if you don’t think homeschooling is a good idea, there’s simply no call for being unkind and hurtful to a little girl. If you are going to maintain that homeschooling is a bad idea, please use the same logic, reason and science, that you used for the rest of your lecture, and show the same tactful respect to homeschoolers that you showed to the folks that weren’t applauding when you expressed a preference for the billboard promoting science, over the one promoting faith.
I am not going to spend the time or the bytes, here, to refute the woefully misinformed idea you have bought into. It’s a dead horse that’s been beaten enough, the information is easy to find. The short of it is: homeschooled children acquire adequate social skills.
This experience has been a little bit like having a fight with my husband. I like you and I’m suffering from cognitive dissonance due to what I witnessed on Tuesday. I want to admire you, Dr. Tyson, but right now my feelings are hurt and it’s a challenge. An apology to your homeschooling fans would be an excellent move right about now. I’m not going to take my Neil deGrasse Tyson flair off my facebook profile, but my opinion of you has been tarnished a bit.
Julie McCalpin
You can contact Dr. Tyson through the Haydan Planetarium:
They have an electronic "Contact Us" form on their website: http://www.haydenplanetarium.org/tyson/contact
OR
Write to this address
Hayden Planetarium & Department of Astrophysics
American Museum of Natural History
Central Park West at 79th Street
New York, New York 10024
OR
Voice: +1 (212) 769-5912
Fax: +1 (212) 769-5007
15 comments:
Wow! You wrote a powerful letter to Mr. Tyson. I personally do not home school. I believe everyone has choice to do what's best for their children. Every child has different needs, including those who are not socializing 100% of the time while not in academic classes.
My Son attends public school. He has begun to socialize this year with is friends in small increments, compared to other children. I don't push socialization as he needs to concentrate on academics more than socialization. Instintively, he is doing what is best for him by socializing in small amounts of time. (He's in high school).
Congratulations on writing a powerful letter. It gives many people something to think about regarding socializing or lack (????) thereof inthis world.
(oops needed an edit)
You know I agree with what you said, but the thing that bothers me the most is that he is lecturing to the child and essentially criticizing the child's parents and their choice to home school, implying that they are risking his social health by doing so. That is not only reprehensible, it is in my opinion abusive. He appears to be "socially retarded" himself, not to mention ignorant, uninformed, and close minded on this issue. Perhaps we should criticize his parents? I have to say I would definitely remove his flare!
Very powerful letter!
Homeschooling suffers from the radical fringe that have been the most vocal proponents of it for the worst of reasons, I think. I imagine Neil deGrasse Tyson is indulging in the stereotype of the homeschooled kids who are kept out of public or private schools because they may learn about the evils of evolution; it sounds like the socialization thing was an excuse for derision. Whatever the case, anyone who would be an ass to a kid who admires him is not someone who deserves a public platform. Or, that's what I think, anyway.
Good for you! I don't home school either but I sure admire those who do and do it well:) I'm glad you let him know how you feel and agree that it was absolutely not necessary to answer a child that way!
I had to laugh at the "socialization" comment, as I am a mom whose children go to public school (albeit a charter school), but the "socialize" at recess, but I don't have the kids over to the house, we don't socialize with the families there...weird attitude to have from this man and I am sure many others.
I see "socially retarded" kids in school, that are alll alone in a HUGE school, that only know how to talk via text, or facebook...now to me that is a real attack on socialization.
lovely letter by the way!
I was there. I wrote about how YOUR CHILD touched my heart on my blog. He seemed very comfortable in front of an audience, and you're obviously not hiding him under a rock.
I also have an active role in my child's education within her public school. I applaud any parent who does what he/she believes is the best thing for his/her child. Homeschooling is definitely the ultimate commitment, one not all parents are capable of making. I believe that is probably what led Tyson to say what he did -- because I truly believe most parents are not fit for parenthood, let alone fit for executing the direction of their children's educations. I say this without clumping you personally into that generalization. I saw your child and thought he seemed well-rounded (and totally adorable, I might add).
At any rate, I witnessed what Dr. Tyson said to your child in the auditorium. After reading your blog, I revisited the moment and tried to imagine his words from your vantage point as well as from your son's. I will say this: I was shocked when I read your blog. My first thought was, "It was as if she and I were at different lectures!" Honestly, the portion of the answer I heard from Dr. Tyson did not seem condescending. Not at all. He was actually much nicer to your son, in my observation, than he was to other folks. Perhaps, THAT was because your son asked an incredibly cool question?
I thought it was kind of Dr. Tyson to actually go out of his way to answer the question. He'd been on the stage for three hours at that point, trying to answer all the questions. Then, as you know, he said he'd take only four more. Your son was not amongst those four, and even though Tyson had been answering questions from the audience for well over an hour at that point, he actually pointed to your son, apologized to the others who sat down because he'd ended the Q&A, and said he HAD to answer his question because he was a kid. I don't know about the rest of you, but I thought that was pretty considerate.
I heard the socially retarded comment, too. It was not said in the context you presented. At least, I didn't think it was. Of course, I am not as in tune to condescending comments about homeschoolers like you might be. He didn't belittle your child before the masses. In fact, the crowd laughed -- not at your smart kiddo, but because Tyson was on stage asking him funny questions he could have asked even my kid who is, like I said, in public school.
In fact, the question was answered without a single mention about homeschooling. And then your kiddo announced, without prompting or being asked, that he was up so late because he was a homeschooler. The audience clapped. What more did you want? Seriously? Everybody clapped for your kid. I got all misty-eyed.
You have a ten year-old son. He is very smart. Not everybody is going to like everything he does or the choices you make for him, obviously, and he should know this by now. I agree that if a comment was made to a child that was demeaning, it's wrong. A comment made to an adult that's demeaning is also wrong. I didn't stay past midnight, so I didn't see the interaction between your son and Dr. Tyson and yourself, of course.
I know how it feels to be let down by someone you admire publicly. I'm so sorry. I hope you'll write him. I think he's a reasonable guy who didn't mean harm to your son or you.
Also, I am certainly not attacking or purposely judging you in my response, and I'm sorry if I've come across harshly in any way. I have an eleven year-old daughter, and I am ALWAYS looking for intelligent parents, like yourself, with intelligent kids, like your incredible son, to visit museums, etc., with.
And I really am very glad you wrote this so that I could find you and show you what I wrote about your wonderful son on my own blog. I am GLAD he asked that question. He had more guts than most of the people in the room and one of the greatest questions, as well.
Truly,
Kristan Austin
http://predisastered.com/
Wait -- does he live in a social vacuum? Are there really any academics or intellectuals remaining, who are not at least discussing homeschooling? If so, where?
We've so enjoyed his work -- and this is just not what I would have expected of him: statements which were not only biased, but just illogical. In the scene you describe, he was confronted with evidence contrary to his statements, evidence which he evidently failed to notice. (As you pointed out, homeschoolers were asking particularly good questions, showing enthusiasm, evidently fitting in quite well.)
What, has he truly never heard of gifted homeschoolers? Is he truly unaware of this unmet need? Good grief.
Worst of all -- and most ironic -- what sort of social-graces example was he setting, by calling your children names like "socially retarded," and by admonishing your children to let their mother "take them to parties" -- ??
Please tell me this was not Neil DeGrasse Tyson but an evil clone. I have great sympathy for all public figures, because so much can be misunderstood. But here, it seems that he went on and on and doggedly on, about the supposed evils of homeschooling. It doesn't sound like his words have been misunderstood. Sigh.
I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I hope your kids are all right. What a sad and painful experience.
“Hey I wasn’t making an accusation, I just said, ‘make sure your mom takes you to parties.’” I disagree. It was an implied accusation.
I heard that question also. That answer may have been a bit awkward, but it was accurate.
So, sorry, but I agree with him. Over the years I have met more than my share of "socially retarded" home-schooled kids. There are a lot of parents with the idea but not the ability to actually teach their own children. When my neighbor confessed that of her five home schooled children that two of them, in second and third grade, still couldn't read, I suggested she let the local school district take a turn. She did, and they caught up. He has a reason for being skeptical about home "schooling." Sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn't all so great as perhaps your household has experienced.
Signed--an engaged parent with kids in public schools
I think it's great that you are following up on this. How bizarre and totally unfair it would have been if Dr. Tyson had said to a child, "Public schooled, eh? Good luck getting a decent education!" or "Guess your parents don't care enough to homeschool" or "Make sure your mom spends extra time after school making up the learning deficit." (Note: my point is that these are possible stereotypes about public school education that are not necessarily accurate.) How unnecessary would that be?
Julie, I'd like to apologize here also for writing my previous comment with the misconception that the boy who asked the question was yours.
I said this earlier, but I'll say it again for the discussion on this thread, too: Whatever works best for you and your family is the right choice.
The world is a better place when people communicate and learn from one another, right? I'm glad you spoke up instead of silently stewing.
Amazing how little he knows about homeschooling! Obviously he has not done his homework. I just went to a presentation at DeVry University where they shared research on homeschoolers. Their research claims that homeschoolers far surpass their public school highschool students in their social activities.
I am NOW homeschooling my two youngest children (middle & high school) and having to UNtrain them on the socialization they learned in public school!
My children are now more socialized than they EVER were in public school. They are involved in sports with other homeschoolers, in Boy Scouts, sports at the YMCA, and are on two robotics teams with other homeschoolers! They are advancing in math and science so much faster than they had previously. They spend more of their free time in programming, robotics, and learning new computer programs!
I bet he would have been impressed with that lecture I attended at DeVry! ...especially with the results that have been shown on the SAT and ACT by homeschoolers!
I am somewhat disapointed in Dr.Tyson. Thank you for your post.
Several things about Tyson's remarks amaze me, most of which have already been raised by others. But, as a man who is able to explain some of the most mind-blowing concepts in astrophysics in terms that kids can actually understand, he should be exquisitely sensitive to the dearth of good science teaching in our public and private schools. My three home-schooled sons love Neil deGrasse Tyson because he is a great teacher. It is both sad and disappointing that he does not recognize that many parents home-school their kids so that they can get a high quality education in science, not so that they can evade one. Neil needs to get out more.
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